a friday laugh

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some

cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why

have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.

"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."

hope everyone is well today

jim

hehehe - I've heard that before



A German guy approaches a prostitute and says
" I vish to buy sex vit you"
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour"
" Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky"
"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four
large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."

The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the
springs to her hands and knees.
"Now you vill get on your hans and knees."
She duly does this, balancing on the springs.
"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is
paying.
The sex is fantastic.
She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time
honking on
the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it
is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

Finally she gasps

"That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?"

"Ah", says the German,






WAIT FOR IT













"Four-sprung duck technique"

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.
One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank like a stone to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. The medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act and he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell her the news, he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, so I believe you've regained your senses. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with the belt of his robe. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

LMFAO Thats a good one

An 18 year old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Mercedes stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Mercedes and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the girl, and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the situation. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. "

"Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each."

" However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"You root her again."

you two obviously need to be given some work too do if you have time for that!


good morning anywho hope people is well and good!

pabz

lol yeah - I'm bored at work as per usual nothing to do and thats the way I like it

well have got something to do - new user set up but I'll leave that til this afternoon

lazy lady lol


i am on my own today so got loads to do d'oh

good mornin or afternoon whichever it is
i just rolled out of bed to the site and sound of heavy rain - again.

not so bad except i gotta drop the car in town and got to walk back >

greg

leave at 1 be back by 4 its not meant to be raining then

or take a brolly lol

Jim

thats wot im plannin mate but it still dont look promisin.

i dont own a brolly either

if all else fails RUN

nice n sunny were i am. [smiley=cool.gif] no need for [smiley=vrolijk_1.gif]

i just found a pic of a diy chrome 200sx


and what a way for a woman to stop lads getting in her pants

Chrome , foil ? lol

Some people might like the 2nd pic !

eww eww eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww